Become a Mad Engineer.

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So you want to rule the world. Your too smart to sit in that cubicle anymore listening to some moron drone on about TPS reports. That neighbors dog has left landmines on your lawn for the last time. Your office just isn’t Evil enough. Well then it’s time to become  a mad engineer. We don’t have a 401k or retirement plan so don’t ask. What we do offer is a crash course in maniacal laughter and blueprints for sharks with lasers on their heads. To join us though you need to do a few initiation tasks,that when finished will prove your ready.

Step One Plan out your own Evil project.

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One of a few dozen Project/Idea books I have.

Most of us mad engineers fall short due to poor planning. Some because they left their plans in a public place or on that World Wide Web all the young kids use today. Stop that! What self respecting evil genius ever planned anything with his thumbs. Put that tablet or stupidly huge phone away and get a proper notebook.  I prefer ones made with the lovely skin of Moles(moleskin no moles were harmed in the making of my evil empire), as they tend to be very sturdy but if that’s out of your evil budget any old notebook will do.  A good (Puns) notebook will never let you down. Not like Igor over here. “Yells” Put the eye back in his head and get back to work! Good help is so hard to find these days. Where was I. Oh yes notebooks. Keeping one handy for ideas is a great way to make sure things get done. Keep one handy for any project that way you can see how the idea has evolved or gone off course. They burn easy too so when the villagers storm your lair you can toss them in the hearth and burn any evidence.

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Custom large format printer. Work in progress

Make a list. Figure out what you will need, how much it will cost and any tools necessary to get the the job done. The key is Details. Create a timeline and stick to it.  If you know you will have money to spend on your project once a month then make that your scheduled day to spend and only spend what you can afford. Over spending is an obvious way to kill a project but we still all do it from time to time. The hardest part is telling yourself No but if you learn to do that your half way there. The other side is under spending. You have the money but you decide you’d rather not spend it for whatever reason. You tell yourself next week/month and before you know it the project is half finished collecting dust 3 years later. The hardest part of planning a project isn’t making the plan it’s sticking to it.

Step Two Build your Lair

My custom dice castle - Mad Engineer

My custom dice castle

There is nothing worse than Having one of your plans foiled because some hero was able to walk right up and destroy months of work. Besides who ever heard of a mad engineer without an evil lair. Your not going to strike fear into your enemies from a Walmart parking lot. You want a space away from prying eyes. At the very least so you can drink in peace.

Give yourself an area to work that will fit your needs. If you can build a full lair that will cover any project you might conceive. If you cant set up a small area that is just for whatever project you are working on. If you don’t it will be very easy to forget about it. Every time you have to put it away means that is a time you will have to ask yourself if you want to pull it back out. Sooner or later it will get shelved because you just don’t have the will to pull it out and work on it. Another reason for space is to keep it safe if you just have it sitting out random acts of nature can happen and they rarely leave projects in one piece.

Step Three Hire Minions

Minion - Mad Engineer


A mad engineer rarely works alone. What self respecting mad genius does all his own work. One could say the whole reason the we do this is to give other people orders. Really we need muscle. Henchmen to guard the project so people can’t just walk in and thwart our plans. Staff to operate machinery and yes men to get coffee.

If the project you are planing is too big for one person find some help. You can’t always do things on your own It’s good to have someone to rely on. It’s also fun to get friends over to collaborate on a project. It’s also important for large projects to have a team that can split the work to achieve  something on a faster time scale. It makes life easier on you and gives you someone to share a beer with after a long day. On top of that a second set of eyes can really help keep things on track.

Step Four Make your Demands Known

Pi Zero - Mad EngineerWhen It’s finally time to unveil your scheme to the world. Be flashy and demand everything. Break out your best crazed laugh and they won’t wonder if they should pay you but if they don’t pay how much of the population will be left if they don’t pay fast enough. Do all this and you too might just join the ranks of the Mad engineers.  Should your plans be thwarted we never met.

Honestly I had a lot of fun with this but that’s the point. If you Like Diy Projects or just the occasional barn raising with friends keep them fun but structured.  If you have a firm foundation to build on the sky is the limit. Grab some tools make a plan and build. Sometimes plans go astray but if you plan for it you can get back on track quickly. Next time you turn on your 3d printer think like a Mad Engineer the results might just surprise you. To think like an engineer is to look at the world around you and try to change it. To think like a Mad Engineer is to see the world and try to make it more interesting. “We’re all a little Mad here.”

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